An international rescue plan has been put in place to bring the struggling San Seriffe medical tourism project back on track, after struggling to make an impact on the medical tourism market.
One of the most ambitious development projects seen in the rapidly expanding medical tourism sector is struggling to deliver; an international rescue plan has been announced to bring the San Seriffe project back on track.
Back in 2012, the San Seriffe government announced the creation of a medical city, adjacent to Bodoni International Airport, consisting of two state of the art healthcare facilities: a 1,000 bed rehabilitation and care facility and a 500 bed orthopaedic centre. Competing with near neighbours (depending on the prevailing sea currents), the Seychelles and the Maldives in the traditional tourism market, San Seriffe has struggled to make its mark in medical tourism.
The San Seriffe project was funded by a group of offshore investors from Russia and Kazakhstan who had reaped rewards from speculative ventures in UK premiership football clubs, a chain of lap dancing clubs in the Far East and SimStapler, a virtual stapling technology for iPhone. But they have found the medical tourism market a little more challenging.
“We were expecting to treat 1,000 medical tourists a week in our new state of the art JCI accredited orthopaedic facility”, said founder investor, Jaroslav Fedorov. “But, so far we’ve dealt with just a few dozen Germans who’ve injured themselves in the rush to get their towels on a sun bed at the island’s holiday resorts.”
Blacklisting… a “no-go medical travel destination”
The project hasn’t been helped by the blacklisting of the destination in a “travel advisory” issued by the Health Travel Quality Association (HTQA). Mary-Lynne Monroe, head of the HTQA has branded San Seriffe as a “no-go medical travel destination” due to the recent civil unrest and a particularly depressing, lukewarm , ash bearing drizzle which derives from the island’s frequent volcanic activity. The Ministry of Statistics has assured visitors that it has no record of any tourists, suffering an untimely end as a result, although this may not be unrelated to the fact that the entire National Statistical Archive was swallowed by a lava fissure in 2013.
Frustration at marketing efforts
“We’ve attended and exhibited at every medical tourism conference around the globe”, said Stefan Renato, Head of the San Seriffe Medical Tourism Association (SSMTA). “We’ve met over 2,000 hosted buyers at these events but none of them have delivered. We loved the gala dinners, though.”
Renato continues, “Based on what we learned, we launched three consumer magazines and an industry publication, built an online guide, a Youtube channel and a dedicated online forum, and introduced ten certification programmes to show that we mean business. Sadly, none of these have generated the patient numbers. We can say that we’ve seen exponential growth in our marketing budget, though”
International rescue plan announced
The rescue plan is being driven by an international team, led by “Smoking Joe” Forrester, from US consumer advice site “Patients Beyond Belief”. “If they’ve built it, I’m coming, for sure”, said Joe.
Team member, Christos Christophides from Greece reckons it’s not too late to turn things around. “After all, didn’t Plato say that ‘a good decision is based on knowledge and not on numbers.’ He was probably right, and he paid his taxes.”
Training, education and a motivated healthcare team will be a key element of the rescue plan. Elizabetta Zumba from the neighbouring island-nation of Shakur Buty, well known for its exotic dance, is being flown in to “get the show on the road and get thangs movin”.
Solving the problems of the 1,000 bed rehabilitation and care facility will be down to Hungarian wellness guru, Balázs Béla. “First, we count the beds, then we make the beds, then we fill the beds” is his recipe for success.
Give your support to San Seriffe
Can you help San Seriffe in a time of desperate need? Do you know the difference between medical tourism and a golf holiday? Interested? Then, request an information pack by email from [email protected]. Brief details of relevant experience in medical tourism and indicative daily consultancy rates should be included.
About San Seriffe.. what you need to know
San Seriffe is an island nation in the southern oceans. Owing to a peculiarity of ocean currents and erosion, its exact position varies. A recent report locating it in the Bering Sea was presumably an error. On April 1, 2006 The Guardian reported that San Seriffe was then just off New Zealand’s South Island, but if the rate of movement really is 1.4 km per year as published, San Seriffe should stay in the Indian Ocean for several millennia. Download the Guardian Newspaper Special Report on San Seriffe.
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